London Fields by Martin Amis

Author:Martin Amis [Amis, Martin]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, pdf
ISBN: 978-0-307-74397-8
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2011-01-04T16:00:00+00:00

Two days ago I changed Marmaduke’s diaper. It was right up there with my very Worst Experiences. I’m still not over it.

I guess it had to happen. There are nanny-lulls, still centres in the hurricane of nannies. I am always hanging around over there. I am always hanging around where people are hanging around, or going where they’re going, eager to waste time at their speed. In the end Lizzyboo helped me get him under the shower. Then we mopped the nursery wall. And the ceiling. I’m still not over it.

Marmaduke possesses his mother with a biblical totality, and he is always goosing Melba and frenching Phoenix (and watch him splash his way through the au pairs); but Lizzyboo is his sexual obsession. He shimmies up against her shins and drools into her cleavage. He won’t have a bath unless she’s there to watch. He is forever ramming his hand – or his head – up her skirt.

Of course, and embarrassingly, Lizzyboo is becoming more and more certain that she needn’t fear any such nonsense from me. No, in my condition I’m not about to get fresh. She sometimes gives me a puzzled but interrogatory look – the eyes seem to cringe – while Marmaduke is scouring her ear with his tongue. Or trying to force her hand down the front of his diaper. Being human, she is starting to wonder what is wrong with her. I could tell her I’m gay or religious, or just frightened of catching some fatal disease. I suppose I really shouldn’t continue to trifle with her affections. Especially now that I don’t need to.

I have Thrufaxed all twelve chapters off to Hornig Ultrason, where, it seems, my stock is already rising high. You can tell by the way everyone speaks to you. Unless I am mistaken, even the computerized voice of the reception bank betrays a secret liking for me. ‘One momint. I have Missy Harter for you,’ said Janit Slotnick, in the tone of somebody preparing a three-year-old for a particularly winsome treat. ‘Oh, and have you heard the news that’s causing such excitemint here?’ I was already romping and tumbling in the zeros of a paperback or book-club deal when Janit said: ‘She’s pregnint!’ But I never did get through to Missy Harter. The computer screwed up and twenty minutes later Janit called and said that Missy would soon get back to me, which she hasn’t.

On impulse I said, ‘Janit? Say spearmint.’ ‘Spearmint.’ ‘Now say peppermint.’ ‘Peppermint.’ ‘Thank you, Janit.’ ‘Sir.’

Incarnacion wraps up or abandons a long anecdote about her adventures in the supermarket (a story from which she emerges with obscure credit) to inform me that Mark Asprey has phoned while I’ve been out – while I’ve been out avoiding Incarnacion.

Mr Asprey, relates Incarnacion, is endearingly keen to pay a flying visit to London. Of course, at a single snap of his fingers, he can put up at a top hotel, or find a bed with any number of heartsick glamour

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.